Updated: Dec 16, 2019
NOTE: In an upcoming, post, I will explain the 'whys' and 'what-fors' of these rules. But in the meantime...
No leading character is brown or black.* Apparently, people of color never fall in love.
Characters are always from or going to the country – especially Vermont for some reason. No one ever seems to be from Florida.***
People tend to fall in love in small towns and in the country and break up in the city. Apparently, it never happens in reverse.
The woman is almost always the protagonist. (Occasionally it is both main characters.)
Most of time she has a boyfriend who is obnoxious and is from the city. (See above.) But alas, when she breaks up with him because she is in love with the new guy from the country (see above), he is suddenly kind and understanding and does not want to stand in her way.
She always has a fabulous career – even if it is running the town diner which may go out of business, but is suddenly saved due to the goodness of the town.
She has never experienced trauma outside of losing a job. And the occasional deceased parent.
She is never overweight. Or over 40. Overweight people, people over 40, and overweight people over 40, apparently never fall in love.
Sometimes she is a single Mom. But with only one kid. Sometimes he is a single dad. But with only one kid. Apparently single parents don’t have more than one kid.
No one EVER swears or comes close to it.
There is only ever ONE kiss. Not two** and never near a bedroom. Apparently, people who date, never actually have sex.
No one celebrates Kwanza or Hanukkah or Passover and they apparently start celebrating Christmas in *bleeping* July. (Oops! I almost swore.)***
And, if it is a Christmas movie, the kiss will come when someone alerts the couple that they have just stepped under the mistletoe.
I hate all of the above about the Hallmark Channel movies.
And yet. I watch them. Well, ok – I don’t start watching Christmas movies until AFTER Thanksgiving and I keep thinking: “DAMMIT!! Why I watching this?”
Because stories are so powerful even the G-rated, sappy ones can suck us in!
*Apparently in 2019 Hallmark made a change and out of the over 120 new movies they made this year, there are about SIX main characters who are black or brown. Eh-HEM. For better diversity, I recommend Hallmark’s competitors, Lifetime or Netflix.
**The first Hanukkah story appeared this past Saturday (12-14). Don’t get too excited, it is intertwined with Christmas, and the main character had to teach the Christmas-celebrating people about Hanukkah. 'Oh Vey!!' was seen on an apron. I have nothing else to say, but Oh Vey!! But, the couple did kiss, not once, not twice, but THREE times!!
***There is one movie in 2020 that will take place in Montana, instead of New England; and one coming in January (produced by the a local Connecticut producer) filmed in Iceland.